Meet the Groomsmen
by J.L. Cooper, Esq.

(Future mayor of La Grande, Oregon; current mayor of Big Willy’s Bar & Grill)
Kelly and I met on the reality show “Game Night with Vanna White”. Though neither of us walked away with “Van-tabulous cash and prizes”, we got something much more important-- a lasting friendship. And some vowels.

Nate Clesowich
(Sketchy)
Once I saw Nate shoot a crow at over 200 feet away with his trusty BB Gun. That crow had just stolen my meatloaf sandwich. We have been chums ever since.
Mark Cranston
(Future brother-in-law; Not of the continent)
Mark and I met on a wallaby hunt in New Zealand. We had a great time, but what’s odd is that I’ve never been to New Zealand. And why would I be hunting a wallaby anyway? It was a crazy weekend, man…
(Future brother-in-law; Not of the continent)
Mark and I met on a wallaby hunt in New Zealand. We had a great time, but what’s odd is that I’ve never been to New Zealand. And why would I be hunting a wallaby anyway? It was a crazy weekend, man…
(TBD)
We finished the time machine, and I dared Andy to get in and see how far back through time he could go. He dared me to go with him. It turns out that time machine was actually a Honda Accord, and those dinosaurs were really just elephants we’d managed to release from the LA Zoo. Those were real Vikings, though.
Anthony Granados- Orator
(Olive-complexion; 4th Wiseman)
Take your mind out of the gutter. I can’t think of anything Tony and I haven’t done together or been through together. Now put your mind back in the gutter. I still can’t.
(Olive-complexion; 4th Wiseman)
Take your mind out of the gutter. I can’t think of anything Tony and I haven’t done together or been through together. Now put your mind back in the gutter. I still can’t.
Benjamin Leon
(4-Chambered Heart, 8-Octive Range)
No one can recall exactly where they met Ben. And they never know when he might appear. But legend says on crisp November nights, when the moon is full and the crickets fiddle in the fields, and you pop the tab on a cold can of PBR , you might be able to hear his wanton cry: “Who wants some BEEF JERKY!!??”

Nicholas Peterson
(Union-Booster; Philosopher, Cantaloupe-Thumper)
Have you ever, without thinking, thrown a hobo a quarter? Then, after 25 years, realize that you’ve been hanging out with said hobo the entire time? And he never once offered you your quarter back? (That’s right, Nick. I haven’t let it go…)
1 comment:
Jason and Annie-
Take that picture of me off your site. Now I know what became of all those pictures you took of me drunk! I have a nice senior picture of me taken in 1993 I can send you to post. -Kelly
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