Our Story.
"It started in a dive bar, which became a gay bar, which turned into a walk, which resulted in a minor injury, which turned into forever..."
-----------------------
Say, did you know that the internet is good for more than just discount stock trading, Harry Potter fan fiction, and porn? Well, these two lovebirds are living proof that it is! Thanks to Jason's ever-insistent friend Ira, and Annie's "I'm-not-kidding-you-this-crap-really-works" friend Melissa, Annie and Jason each posted a profile thingy up on one of those new-fangled interweb dating-majigs.
Jason liked that Annie was sitting in a field of kangaroos in her picture, and that her spelling was pretty good. So he wrote her a note.
Annie liked that Jason had a picture of himself holding a "Flat Stanley", and that he mentioned he didn't trust hummingbirds. She wrote him in return.
They started emailing. They talked on the phone a little. They set a date. Jason drove really far to get there, and Annie didn't even bother to take a shower. (Perhaps it was out of laziness, perhaps it was some sort of test...) After the first bar became to loud, Annie unwittingly directed them to gay bar, at which Jason was both disconcertingly popular and hearteningly non-freaked-out. On the way back to the car, Annie walked face-first into a stop sign.
On their next date, she got up from the table with the tablecloth tucked into her pants, and spilled two full pints on Newcastle on Jason's lap. He still called her again, so she figured he might be worth keeping around.
Nearly three years and many adventures have come to pass since then, including: Tom Jones concerts, sound beatings by Irish jaunting car drivers, patty melts in Needles, near-brainings by giant pinecones, and the infiltration of their home by two cute but essentially useless dogs.
Jason liked that Annie was sitting in a field of kangaroos in her picture, and that her spelling was pretty good. So he wrote her a note.
Annie liked that Jason had a picture of himself holding a "Flat Stanley", and that he mentioned he didn't trust hummingbirds. She wrote him in return.
They started emailing. They talked on the phone a little. They set a date. Jason drove really far to get there, and Annie didn't even bother to take a shower. (Perhaps it was out of laziness, perhaps it was some sort of test...) After the first bar became to loud, Annie unwittingly directed them to gay bar, at which Jason was both disconcertingly popular and hearteningly non-freaked-out. On the way back to the car, Annie walked face-first into a stop sign.
On their next date, she got up from the table with the tablecloth tucked into her pants, and spilled two full pints on Newcastle on Jason's lap. He still called her again, so she figured he might be worth keeping around.
Nearly three years and many adventures have come to pass since then, including: Tom Jones concerts, sound beatings by Irish jaunting car drivers, patty melts in Needles, near-brainings by giant pinecones, and the infiltration of their home by two cute but essentially useless dogs.
On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, in roadside motel, completely horizontal due to a thrown-out back, Jason asked Annie if she wanted to get hitched. He had a bloomin' ring, and everything. If his question had been a pop quiz, Annie would have seen the multiple-choice options like this:
a) yes
b) you bet your sweet bippy
c) oui
d) yes!
e) all of the above
So now, they've decided to embark on their most madcap adventure to date: on November 8th, 2008, they're getting married.
...And they sure would love to see you there.
The Wee Ones
Far-Out Flowergirls
Amelia
(friend, sister of Audrey)
Amelia enjoys staring down strangers and banging things with sticks. She is really looking foward to tossing some freakin' flower petals.
Audrey
(friend, sister of Amelia)
Audrey takes her job as Head Flowergirl very seriously. Don't cross her. She's cute, but she'll kill a snitch.
Claire
(friend, sister of Paige)
Claire would like to be a scientist when she grows up. We asked her to focus her research on personal jet-pack development, but she just rolled her eyes. It was kind of condescending, actually.
Maddie
(cousin)
Maddie would like to make sure that the flowergirls' dresses are nice and poofy. For some reason, she thinks she has to carry J.T. down the aisle. Who else thinks we should let her try?
Paige
(friend, sister of Claire)
Paige likes to cook. We asked her to make the wedding cake, but she modestly declined. She said it would be "too much pressure." Whatever, Paige.
Amelia
(friend, sister of Audrey)
Amelia enjoys staring down strangers and banging things with sticks. She is really looking foward to tossing some freakin' flower petals.
Audrey takes her job as Head Flowergirl very seriously. Don't cross her. She's cute, but she'll kill a snitch.
Claire
(friend, sister of Paige)
Claire would like to be a scientist when she grows up. We asked her to focus her research on personal jet-pack development, but she just rolled her eyes. It was kind of condescending, actually.
Maddie
(cousin)
Maddie would like to make sure that the flowergirls' dresses are nice and poofy. For some reason, she thinks she has to carry J.T. down the aisle. Who else thinks we should let her try?
Paige
(friend, sister of Claire)
Paige likes to cook. We asked her to make the wedding cake, but she modestly declined. She said it would be "too much pressure." Whatever, Paige.
Sarah
(friend)
Sarah is very concerned that there be enough cake for everyone. In the event that Annie decides not to wear a veil, Sarah has threatened a walk-out.
Rock-Steady Ringbearers
J.T.
(cousin)
When you first meet him, J.T. may look at you as if you just rinsed his sippy cup in the toilet bowl. But give him one of those red plastic beer cups, and he's your's forever.
Wyatt
(great-nephew)
Born "Yoav Schmuel Goldstein", Wyatt has been living in virtual obscurity and anonymity ever since his controversial novel, "Jackee: The Unauthorized Biography of a Plus-Sized Pariah", resulted in numerous death threats.
Otis
(friend)
A founding member of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Otis, "Little O" left the band in 1968 to pursue a solo career, and to gnaw on a set of giant, plastic keys.
J.T.
(cousin)
When you first meet him, J.T. may look at you as if you just rinsed his sippy cup in the toilet bowl. But give him one of those red plastic beer cups, and he's your's forever.
Wyatt
(great-nephew)
Born "Yoav Schmuel Goldstein", Wyatt has been living in virtual obscurity and anonymity ever since his controversial novel, "Jackee: The Unauthorized Biography of a Plus-Sized Pariah", resulted in numerous death threats.
Otis
A founding member of Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Otis, "Little O" left the band in 1968 to pursue a solo career, and to gnaw on a set of giant, plastic keys.
...and one honorary FlowerBaby or RingBaby, to be announced no later than July 7th, 2008.
Lil' Lorigo, come on down!
Lil' Lorigo, come on down!
The W.W. E. (The Wild Wedding Entourage)
Meet the Groomsmen
by J.L. Cooper, Esq.
Kelly Smutz - Best Man(Future mayor of La Grande, Oregon; current mayor of Big Willy’s Bar & Grill)
Kelly and I met on the reality show “Game Night with Vanna White”. Though neither of us walked away with “Van-tabulous cash and prizes”, we got something much more important-- a lasting friendship. And some vowels.
Nate Clesowich
(Sketchy)
Once I saw Nate shoot a crow at over 200 feet away with his trusty BB Gun. That crow had just stolen my meatloaf sandwich. We have been chums ever since.
Mark Cranston
(Future brother-in-law; Not of the continent)
Mark and I met on a wallaby hunt in New Zealand. We had a great time, but what’s odd is that I’ve never been to New Zealand. And why would I be hunting a wallaby anyway? It was a crazy weekend, man…
(Future brother-in-law; Not of the continent)
Mark and I met on a wallaby hunt in New Zealand. We had a great time, but what’s odd is that I’ve never been to New Zealand. And why would I be hunting a wallaby anyway? It was a crazy weekend, man…
Andrew Fash(TBD)
We finished the time machine, and I dared Andy to get in and see how far back through time he could go. He dared me to go with him. It turns out that time machine was actually a Honda Accord, and those dinosaurs were really just elephants we’d managed to release from the LA Zoo. Those were real Vikings, though.
Anthony Granados- Orator
(Olive-complexion; 4th Wiseman)
Take your mind out of the gutter. I can’t think of anything Tony and I haven’t done together or been through together. Now put your mind back in the gutter. I still can’t.
(Olive-complexion; 4th Wiseman)
Take your mind out of the gutter. I can’t think of anything Tony and I haven’t done together or been through together. Now put your mind back in the gutter. I still can’t.
(4-Chambered Heart, 8-Octive Range)
No one can recall exactly where they met Ben. And they never know when he might appear. But legend says on crisp November nights, when the moon is full and the crickets fiddle in the fields, and you pop the tab on a cold can of PBR , you might be able to hear his wanton cry: “Who wants some BEEF JERKY!!??”
Nicholas Peterson
(Union-Booster; Philosopher, Cantaloupe-Thumper)
Have you ever, without thinking, thrown a hobo a quarter? Then, after 25 years, realize that you’ve been hanging out with said hobo the entire time? And he never once offered you your quarter back? (That’s right, Nick. I haven’t let it go…)
G.L.O.W.: The Glorious Ladies of Weddingland
Get to Know Your Bridesmaids
by A. Stanner, D.D.S
Sarah Stanner-Cranston
(Maid of Honor- Sister. Dancer. Cheerful butcherer of karaoke hits.)
Sarah recently returned from a stint in Australia, where she ran an elaborate wombat-smuggling ring. She now resides in Pasadena, and has shifted her focus from wombats to baby coyotes. When in Rome, no?
Madeline Biesty-Kaplan
(Bearer of salads and of ring bearers. Singer of songs. Lover of teas.)
Madeline can make up a song about anything you ask her to. As long as the thing you ask her to make up a song about is "Armenians".
Meghan Biesty
(Mid-traffic crisis counselor. Consumer of books. Excellent driver.)
Yes, actually... in the above photograph, Meghan IS getting ready for a night at the opera. Though I don't see how that's any of your business.
Phyllis Fash(Inexplicable Colts fan. Cheese aficionado. Suspicious of cats.)
Did you know that Phyllis once put an entire Boy Scout troop in the hospital because they questioned the likelihood that Peyton Manning would be able to carry out any decent passing in the postseason? True story.
Jennifer Lorigo
(Songbird. Baker of treats. Baby Mama.)
Everyone in the bridal party is really, really glad Jen could join us. It was hit or miss there for awhile- you know, after that embarrassing "incident" at the Dubai airport. Hey, Jen- we know he looked 18.
Heather Mitchell
(Unapologetic hand soap snob. Recent pork convert. Vigilant dog owner.)
We're so proud! Heather has recently begun a new career as the Artistic Director of the Musical Theater program at The Greater Burbank Adult Day Center. Open-call auditions for "Paint Your Wagon" are next Tuesday, just after fingerpainting, and right before nap time.
Robin Parks
(Belly-squisher. Expert air-band choreographer. Bringer of much-needed absurdity to the State of Colorado.)
Here is a little-known fact about Robin: She's been all around the world, but will tell you straight-up that her favorite place on this planet is Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey.
Schedule of Events
ALERT: This schedule was updated on August 20th.
If you're planning on being in Portland for a few days, please join us for any of the hijinks we've got going. This schedule is still in the works, and is subject to change, so check back often.
Here's what we have so far:
************************************************************
Thursday, November 6th
Daytime- Willamette Valley wine-tasting caravan, leaving Portland @ 10:00 a.m. , returning in the late afternoon. Call Jason, (818) 458-4194, for details.
Evening- Bachelor/Bachelorette Party…locations TBD.
Girls, call Sarah, (541) 993-2035, to RSVP
Boys, call Kelly, (541) 296-1204, to RSVPAll are welcome! (What happens in Portland stays in Portland.)
Friday, November 7th
6 p.m., Rehearsal Dinner. Bridal Party members, readers, and all out-of-towners are welcome! Please join us for pizza and fun in this charming, historic downtown building.
Old Town Pizza
226 NW Davis Street
(503) 222-9999
8 p.m., “Portland Underground” walking tour. If you haven’t yet done so, you may call the Cascade Geographical Society at (503) 622-4798 to reserve your tickets.
Saturday, November 8th
4:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m. - Stop by the Driftwood Room (in the lobby of Hotel deLuxe) and have a drink with Jason & the groomsmen. But please, make sure he leaves sober enough to keep his kilt on during the ceremony. (Just the ceremony. What happens at the reception is out of our hands.) Then, make your way next door to the Scottish Rite Center, and come upstairs to the Auditorium…..
6:00 p.m. – 12:00 a.m. - Wedding! (The tears, the laughter, the chicken dance.)
Sunday, November 9th
10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. - No-host (but reasonably cheap) “morning after” dim sum for anyone left standing. Just a few blocks from Old Town Pizza, about a 10 minute walk from Hotel deLuxe.
Fong Chong
301 NW 4th Ave.
(503) 228-6868
No need to RSVP, just stop on by.
Monday, November 10th
Annie & Jason leave for mystery honeymoon!
If you're planning on being in Portland for a few days, please join us for any of the hijinks we've got going. This schedule is still in the works, and is subject to change, so check back often.
Here's what we have so far:
************************************************************
Thursday, November 6th
Daytime- Willamette Valley wine-tasting caravan, leaving Portland @ 10:00 a.m. , returning in the late afternoon. Call Jason, (818) 458-4194, for details.
Evening- Bachelor/Bachelorette Party…locations TBD.
Girls, call Sarah, (541) 993-2035, to RSVP
Boys, call Kelly, (541) 296-1204, to RSVPAll are welcome! (What happens in Portland stays in Portland.)
Friday, November 7th
6 p.m., Rehearsal Dinner. Bridal Party members, readers, and all out-of-towners are welcome! Please join us for pizza and fun in this charming, historic downtown building.
Old Town Pizza
226 NW Davis Street
(503) 222-9999
8 p.m., “Portland Underground” walking tour. If you haven’t yet done so, you may call the Cascade Geographical Society at (503) 622-4798 to reserve your tickets.
Saturday, November 8th
4:30 p.m. - 5:30 p.m. - Stop by the Driftwood Room (in the lobby of Hotel deLuxe) and have a drink with Jason & the groomsmen. But please, make sure he leaves sober enough to keep his kilt on during the ceremony. (Just the ceremony. What happens at the reception is out of our hands.) Then, make your way next door to the Scottish Rite Center, and come upstairs to the Auditorium…..
6:00 p.m. – 12:00 a.m. - Wedding! (The tears, the laughter, the chicken dance.)
Sunday, November 9th
10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. - No-host (but reasonably cheap) “morning after” dim sum for anyone left standing. Just a few blocks from Old Town Pizza, about a 10 minute walk from Hotel deLuxe.
Fong Chong
301 NW 4th Ave.
(503) 228-6868
No need to RSVP, just stop on by.
Monday, November 10th
Annie & Jason leave for mystery honeymoon!
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